How I almost didn’t push publish on my webseries

Yesterday we launched Single and Anxious the web series. This was my second attempt of this particular show. I must admit after the first failed attempt I was fearful of even working on the series let alone releasing it. For 6 months I decided to conquer my fear of acceptance. Whenever you release a form of art you are open to criticism. Crictism in this social media era is plentiful. You get critiqued from every single angle. However; I learned I am my biggest critic and largest stumbling block. Here’s how fear worked during the creation of Single and Anxious.

Pre-Production

  • Is this actually going to work?
  • Will they learn these lines?
  • Will they have enough emotion?
  • Will we have enough crew?
  • Jesus where is the money coming from?
  • How am I going to feed all these people?
  • Where in the world are these locations coming from?

Production

  • This is never going to get done
  • What made me think I could write, rehearse, film, edit and score a series in 6 months?
  • That wig has to go
  • These long hours are killing me/us
  • Feeding these folks is expensive
  • Will the new mics be here in time?
  • Ugh the new mics are broke did we get enough for that scene?
  • Will we be able to use these new cameras properly?
  • What made you think you could shoot an entire episode in one day with EVERYONE on set for the first time?
  • Why did you take all these weddings on back to back after the filming for the show was done?

Post Production

  • This is a mess
  • We can’t put this out
  • Will Bernard get this coloring done in time?
  • Ohh Lord we lost all the audio for epiosde 6
  • These edits are terrible
  • What is ADR?
  • We can’t release this?
  • What am I going to do about the music?
  • I had no idea we needed so much music
  • Welp third sound person quit and this is a mess
  • This won’t work
  • Gabriel is going to die scoring and mixing this
  • OHH LORD now I have to edit more than half of the series in 3 weeks
  • So much is out of focus
  • Where am I getting closed capiton from?

There were many more fears that kept floating in my mind. The anxiety of the marketing became real. BUT I’ve been conquering those fears. We made ALOT of mistakes BUT we made some good art that we are proud of. Fear is false evidence appearing real. Don’t get me wrong all of these issues were real. However; they weren’t so big that I should not have pushed published. I find that a lot of people talk about what they want to create. Then the doing gets lost in fear and we never see those beautiful dreams. No matter how hard the road is travel it. The only way to conquer fear is in doing the exact thing it’s telling you not to do.

I did exactly the opposite of what “they” told me to do! It worked!

Well about a year ago I got a divorce from other people’s opinions and expectations of me and decided to follow God’s call over my life.

A year later and it led to completing my first web series season Single and Anxious from Start to Finish. Associate producing and Assistant editing a 16 episode documenatary series for PBS/BBC and just complete joy.

2017 is definitely going to be even better and I will be releasing more content on my blog and youtube channel. I’ve said this stuff so many times before but for the first time I have found my stride and I look forward to running at the pace I was created for.

On 12/18/16 Single and Anxious will premiere on Youtube and Amazon. Subscribe today and check out the trailer.



Serena Williams 7/11

When you see people like Serena Williams doing a video like 7/11 you know there is a greater picture behind it.  Serena is only in the media when she wants to be. She is a finisher and I appreciate that about her. As an athlete (gym rat) she inspires me to finish!

I was a Liar

 

 

I was a liar, not your average liar but a BIG liar.

A habitual liar to be exact.

 

I always knew how to tell stories.

 

They called me a master manipulator.

 

I called it getting out of trouble, temporarily that is.

 

However, I got caught in my lies often.

Instead of telling the truth I would opt to continue lying.

 

Even when the truth was exchanged for immunity.

 

I still lied.

I don’t think anyone in my family knew that my lying was an expression of my ability to tell stories.

 

I often wish someone picked up on it.

 

My life would have been different.

 

They may have fostered my writing & storytelling ability.

 

My ability to write still amazes me. It’s still new to me.

 

I remember as a child watching movies.

 

I watched a lot of movies.

 

I was bred as a direct in some cases.

 

My lies often put me on punishment and during those times of punishment I could write or read.

 

I wrote songs and poems.

 

I read novels and business books.

 

At the at of 12 I read “Waiting to Exhale” and the movie came out that year.

 

I was amazed by the directors and actors ability to capture the words of the author.

 

I never thought I could make films until I was in my late twenties.

 

I owned video cameras all my life.

I never thought it was possible to write and direct.

 

I was never a great writer.

 

I went to 13 different grade schools.

 

I always lacked the basics of mathematics & grammar.

 

The lack of proper writing skills discouraged me.

 

In college I loved writing papers.

 

College gave me the opportunity to write and read.

 

As a double major and double minor I figured out a way to take more English classes than my majors allowed.

 

I loved having the ability to read, dissect and write about classics.

 

I was a storyteller.

 

If they would realized my lies were the basics of storytelling I would have majored in English & Film.

 

I would have been further in my career.

 

These are the lies that my mind tries to tell me.

 

Instead, I have a massive arsenal of stories to tell because I was a liar and it wasn’t known that I was a storytelling writer.

 

Today, I tell stories the proper way. Today, I’ve turned those lies into truth filled stories that tell the greatest story alive.

 

I now use words and cameras to speak of our relationship in this dirty orbit with the God of all of wonders.

 

Today, I am a creative communicator.

 

Today, I remember Pinocchio.

 

I remember watching him tell lies and his nose grow.

 

I remember sitting in my aunt’s bedroom while it played for the first time on HBO.

 

I remember how amazed I was that everyone knew he was lying.

 

I am a former liar turned storyteller.

What has shaped you? Feel free to comment.

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