How I almost didn’t push publish on my webseries

Yesterday we launched Single and Anxious the web series. This was my second attempt of this particular show. I must admit after the first failed attempt I was fearful of even working on the series let alone releasing it. For 6 months I decided to conquer my fear of acceptance. Whenever you release a form of art you are open to criticism. Crictism in this social media era is plentiful. You get critiqued from every single angle. However; I learned I am my biggest critic and largest stumbling block. Here’s how fear worked during the creation of Single and Anxious.


  • Is this actually going to work?
  • Will they learn these lines?
  • Will they have enough emotion?
  • Will we have enough crew?
  • Jesus where is the money coming from?
  • How am I going to feed all these people?
  • Where in the world are these locations coming from?


  • This is never going to get done
  • What made me think I could write, rehearse, film, edit and score a series in 6 months?
  • That wig has to go
  • These long hours are killing me/us
  • Feeding these folks is expensive
  • Will the new mics be here in time?
  • Ugh the new mics are broke did we get enough for that scene?
  • Will we be able to use these new cameras properly?
  • What made you think you could shoot an entire episode in one day with EVERYONE on set for the first time?
  • Why did you take all these weddings on back to back after the filming for the show was done?

Post Production

  • This is a mess
  • We can’t put this out
  • Will Bernard get this coloring done in time?
  • Ohh Lord we lost all the audio for epiosde 6
  • These edits are terrible
  • What is ADR?
  • We can’t release this?
  • What am I going to do about the music?
  • I had no idea we needed so much music
  • Welp third sound person quit and this is a mess
  • This won’t work
  • Gabriel is going to die scoring and mixing this
  • OHH LORD now I have to edit more than half of the series in 3 weeks
  • So much is out of focus
  • Where am I getting closed capiton from?

There were many more fears that kept floating in my mind. The anxiety of the marketing became real. BUT I’ve been conquering those fears. We made ALOT of mistakes BUT we made some good art that we are proud of. Fear is false evidence appearing real. Don’t get me wrong all of these issues were real. However; they weren’t so big that I should not have pushed published. I find that a lot of people talk about what they want to create. Then the doing gets lost in fear and we never see those beautiful dreams. No matter how hard the road is travel it. The only way to conquer fear is in doing the exact thing it’s telling you not to do.

I did exactly the opposite of what “they” told me to do! It worked!

Well about a year ago I got a divorce from other people’s opinions and expectations of me and decided to follow God’s call over my life.

A year later and it led to completing my first web series season Single and Anxious from Start to Finish. Associate producing and Assistant editing a 16 episode documenatary series for PBS/BBC and just complete joy.

2017 is definitely going to be even better and I will be releasing more content on my blog and youtube channel. I’ve said this stuff so many times before but for the first time I have found my stride and I look forward to running at the pace I was created for.

On 12/18/16 Single and Anxious will premiere on Youtube and Amazon. Subscribe today and check out the trailer.

12 Things I Learned About Pornography and Masterbation

(Sidenote: I pitched this article to two other sites and they didn’t want to run it for their audiences. I really struggled with publishing this article. I don’t know why. Three things made it clear I needed to publish this article.

  1. GQ ran an article on why you should watch pornography
  2. A message by Michael Catt
  3. It’s not talked about enough!

I’ve learned that transparency is one of the keys to godly freedom. The world is known for keeping faults, sins and short comings to itself. I remember when I first learned that masterbation and pornography were sin. I did not want to believe it. Sitting in the front of the television watching Creflo Dollar (2003) teach on masterbation and pornography. I knew that I wanted to live right but was I willing to give it up. I put all the “toys and tapes” under my bed, you know out of sight out of mind thinking that I could keep them just in case. It took all of one day for my addiction to kick back in. I talked to a few people about it none of which were living godly lives and they all rationalized it saying it was “cool because I wasn’t having sex with anyone else”. However, the Lord kept convicting me that it was wrong and not in His plan. So I took the “product of sin” this time and threw it in the trash outside.

I had become so used to porn and masterbation that I didn’t see anything wrong with it. The first time I watched porn was at 5 years old. It was me pleasing myself. But that was the problem, I was always pleasing me and displeasing God. Are you still pleasing yourself? Freedom is available! Get into the Word of God, prayer, fellowship and counseling. Let sexual sin have its last day in your life! Fight for FREEDOM! Christ has it waiting for you.

You can choose to stay dead in your sin or you can confess, repentant and destroy the products of your sin. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. I truly encourage you to speak to godly believers who are truly walking with Jesus to come out of the death of Eye Candy. Openly confessing your sin to someone who is able to restore you will be the most rewarding and accountable action you can take towards overcoming the anxiety of greedy pleasures. Marcus Canty sang in his song Won’t make a fool out of you…my heart will be all yours. I hope that is your heart or becomes your towards the Lord. Let’s not make a fool out of God our hearts should be all His.

Here are some “tips” on how to prevent one’s self from opening the gates of lust up. These are not exhaustive but somethings that I know have worked for others and myself.

  1. Prayer & Repetence- Ask God to take the desire away & conviction
  2. Mediate on Scripture
  3. Confess your secret sin to your local fellowships leadership. You can visit X3Pure for resources as well.
  4. Remove all pornography from your computer and mobile devices
  5. Get an internet blocker such as Safe Eyes
  6. Block channels/content that are rated over PG-14 (they most likely have sexual scenes/kissing)
  7. When you are in bed keep your hands away from that area (leave your hands on top of the covers)
  8. Fight the thoughts with Scripture
  9. Get an accountability partner who is mature in the gospel that DOES NOT have the same issue as you
  10. Be open and honest about your struggle
  11. Daily speak to yourself that you are not a slave to sin any longer
  12. Avoid physical contact with the opposite and same sex if homosexuality is your struggle

The fight to overcome masterbation and pornography and lust won’t be easy but it is possible by the power of God. Confession brought freedom to me. I pray that it brings freedom to you as well.

Delight In God Today

Writing a book is not an easy task. Writing a 50,000 word book in two months is even harder. It would be incredibly challenging for me to write this book in my own strength. Yesterday, I had the most amazing time with Jesus writing Single and Anxious. From 8am-5pm I wrote (with food and admin breaks). I had a new album by Brittney Wright on repeat and I poured out my heart to the single community. 5000 words spilled out of me. The difference between writing my first book and the second is the intentional delighting in the Lord. When I wrote Nickey’s Flesh I had a lot going on. I worked full time, directed plays, attended seminary and served at my local church. This time around I have time due to healing from my foot surgery. It is the most amazing experience to write, cry, pray and repeat. I realized yesterday that God desires for us to experience this on a daily bases not just with projects. He desires to be our delight all the time.

Delight- be refreshed; take pleasure in

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. (Psalm 37:3-5)

When we seek Abba, Father we are refreshed. We are Christians because Jesus wanted to delight in us as His children. Jesus delights in us. Did you know that He takes pleasure in you? He desires for us to be delighted in Him as well. As an entreprenuer, writer, director I am always challenged by the implication of my faith in my work. I know that I serve a niche audience but at the same time I serve at the pleasure of Jesus. I don’t serve at the pleasure of the global audience. The freedom of delighting in God is trusting in Him. As we delight in Him he gives us the desires of our hearts. We don’t have to push and try to make things happen. We can rest in His will and He will do it. Today delight in the Lord and trust that He will do that which He has placed in your heart.

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