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I was a Liar

 

 

I was a liar, not your average liar but a BIG liar.

A habitual liar to be exact.

 

I always knew how to tell stories.

 

They called me a master manipulator.

 

I called it getting out of trouble, temporarily that is.

 

However, I got caught in my lies often.

Instead of telling the truth I would opt to continue lying.

 

Even when the truth was exchanged for immunity.

 

I still lied.

I don’t think anyone in my family knew that my lying was an expression of my ability to tell stories.

 

I often wish someone picked up on it.

 

My life would have been different.

 

They may have fostered my writing & storytelling ability.

 

My ability to write still amazes me. It’s still new to me.

 

I remember as a child watching movies.

 

I watched a lot of movies.

 

I was bred as a direct in some cases.

 

My lies often put me on punishment and during those times of punishment I could write or read.

 

I wrote songs and poems.

 

I read novels and business books.

 

At the at of 12 I read “Waiting to Exhale” and the movie came out that year.

 

I was amazed by the directors and actors ability to capture the words of the author.

 

I never thought I could make films until I was in my late twenties.

 

I owned video cameras all my life.

I never thought it was possible to write and direct.

 

I was never a great writer.

 

I went to 13 different grade schools.

 

I always lacked the basics of mathematics & grammar.

 

The lack of proper writing skills discouraged me.

 

In college I loved writing papers.

 

College gave me the opportunity to write and read.

 

As a double major and double minor I figured out a way to take more English classes than my majors allowed.

 

I loved having the ability to read, dissect and write about classics.

 

I was a storyteller.

 

If they would realized my lies were the basics of storytelling I would have majored in English & Film.

 

I would have been further in my career.

 

These are the lies that my mind tries to tell me.

 

Instead, I have a massive arsenal of stories to tell because I was a liar and it wasn’t known that I was a storytelling writer.

 

Today, I tell stories the proper way. Today, I’ve turned those lies into truth filled stories that tell the greatest story alive.

 

I now use words and cameras to speak of our relationship in this dirty orbit with the God of all of wonders.

 

Today, I am a creative communicator.

 

Today, I remember Pinocchio.

 

I remember watching him tell lies and his nose grow.

 

I remember sitting in my aunt’s bedroom while it played for the first time on HBO.

 

I remember how amazed I was that everyone knew he was lying.

 

I am a former liar turned storyteller.

What has shaped you? Feel free to comment.

Digging Deep

 

Today I looked at my storage on my computer.

It was running low and that concerned me.

When I got the computer I knew it would be limited due because it was a solid state hard drive.

I couldn’t really understand where all my space went.

It was nerve wrecking.

I began digging deeper. Not the normal dig.

I knew some of the short cuts already.

This kind of digging required going into the back doors places I’ve never been.

I went through all files, applications, photos etc.

I found the culprits.

I deleted some files from the past.

Ideas that I started.

Successes that weren’t valid anymore.

Now I sit here wondering how deep are we digging to live authentically.

Are we alright with the surface? Are we still living off of former accomplishment? Are we afraid to delete old ideas, moments, & thoughts.

Are we willing to start over?

What are your thoughts when no one is around? When you look in the mirror is that the authentic you or the imitation version you left in the back doors of your hard drive of your heart.

I’ve lived enough of my life as the imitation version. Daily I am afforded the opportunity to uncover more about me through Him.

In order to move forward in life we have to know what to delete.

When’s the last time you dug deep and removed the old files of your emotions that keep you bound?

Today I overcame fear. I went back to a place I felt outcasted and hated. Instead of running I dug deep and walked in the confident authority of Christ.

Let us not be bound by fear. Remember he didn’t give us that. The deeper we dig the greater the reward. Who knows you might receive more than storage space in your heart (peace). You may find oil or gold.

 

Memories of my Absent Father

 

Writing is extremely therapeutic for me.

I don’t know why but recently thoughts of the past are popping up in my mind.

Thoughts of the lies, the confusion, the turning points, the moments that I thought were normal.

Two years ago I discovered a photo of my father on Facebook. It wasn’t a photo I was proud of.

It was a photo of my father heavily influenced by drugs and alcohol.

It was a photo of him with the woman that was getting high with him when he overdosed.

It was a photo that sent me back into a place of mourning.

Not mourning his death but mourning the father I never got to know.

I have very specific remembrances of my father.

90% of those moments had to do with him being high.

The rest of the moments had to do with him saving me from a really ratcheted situation of having sex with a family members around the age of 9 who were around my age.

He knew so much more than I did.

I was innocent.

Not the innocent of being untouched innocent.

I was innocent of what that moment would have done to me.

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Recently, I have really been praying and thinking about what to write about on the blog. I am not interested in the numbers as much as I am interested in helping people live authentic lives in the image of Christ.

I have a story for everything people tell me.

My life is but a mystery to me.

I have gone through so much that even today I don’t realize the impact of moments like the above.

My father was a protector.

He wasn’t the typical protector. He wasn’t there when I needed him.

He was a protector at selective moments.

Often times we tend to think of moments as bad and good. I am truly learning to see the good in all moments. God can use any and everything to show us Him.

People ask if God is all powerful and all knowing why doesn’t he stop pain and suffering.

I instead ask God how I can learn from my pain and suffering.

How can I love the man I never got to know. I am the daughter of a drug dealer who was a victim of the system.

When people speak of my father they never mention anything negative. He was an amazing soul that was held under the power of his own desires.

I don’t know what my father was running from. I don’t know why he did drugs, gambled, sold drugs, gave away all his money.

I don’t know much about him but the small stories I have of him and those others tell me. But what I do know is that his absences made me a fighter.

His absences made me realize very early on that there was something more to life than what I was experiencing.

His presence made me realize he loved me but didn’t know how to express it.

What are you holding on to? Can you see the good in any of it? What moments hold you hostage that can actual reveal that God is always there; even in pain and suffering.

The Authentic: Episode 5 “A little bit of everything”

This week we journeyed into a little bit of everything on the podcast. Download it on iTunes or listen below.

Set List:

Jackie Hill Perry- Dead Preacher
Stephen the Levite f. Jgivesn & Tragic Hero- Frienemies
Selah the Corner f. Eshon Burgundy- Prophecy
Christette Michele- Super Christ
Tye Tribett & G.A.- SuperStar
Rhett Walker Band- Singing Stone

ChristinaFaith.com

 

Comparison the Thief

Comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy-2
com·par·i·son
kəmˈperəsən/- Literally, to compare one thing with another by noting similarities and differences. (Strong’s Dictionary)

Too many people are comparing themselves.

In a really bad way! I believe we are stopping ourselves from moving forward because of this comparison.

Peoples lives & accomplishments should be our motivation not our example of what we should want.

If Shonda Rhimes has three shows on primetime and I am just starting my web series that should not be my measuring rod.

Comparing ourselves to ourselves doesn’t allow us to appreciate where we are in that season of life.

Comparison is poison. It pollutes every area of your life. Most woman compare their beauty to another women’s beauty never seeing there own beauty.

Men compare themselves as well i.e. one’s strength to another’s.

Who cares what amount of followers, likes, comments etc someone else has. That isn’t your platform. Just keep working and appreciate the people who allow you into there thoughts and visual lens.

To compare is unwise (2 Cor 10:12). Let us all begin to appreciate where we are and where we have been without bringing in outside forces of pollution. Our biggest enemy is ourselves and our only comparison should be placing ourselves against the image of Jesus.

Can I Be Honest?

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Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new era in hip-hop (IMHO). It’s the day three amazing rappers have decided to tell the world what they have been up to. Stephen The Levite, a Lampmode recording artist let the cat out of the bag with his highly anticipated first single from his third full length LP “Can I Be Honest”.

Scott’s Honor Media did an amazing job on the album cover and single artwork.Check out “Stephen the Levite × J. Givens × Tragic Hero.

Free Exclusive Download on Rapzilla 10/21/14! Don’t forget to pre-order when that is available at Lampmode.com

Are you doing TOO much?

socialmedia-addiction

Your doing too much! If your a creative you have probably heard that very often. At times it’s a wake up call and at times it’s a reminder that you are right on track. At this moment in life I am working on being consistent & producing a greater quality of work.

All these ideas are racing through my head wanting to come out. However; it is so imperative that I do what is needed in this moment rather than everything I think about. The same concept applies to social media. We often do TOO much! Instead of being productive we waste our most valuable hours checking likes, follows and tweets. Is that you? I know it was me. I’ve been reading “Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Creative Mind” (The 99U Book Series) and it has been a hard challenge for me. The amazing people at 99U have identified our creative thief. THE INTERNET. We check our email, tweets, texts, Facebook etc thousands of times a day. I have been a victim of social media addiction.

Over the last 2 weeks I have done a social experiment on myself. From the hours of 10-4pm I have stopped texting & engaging social media networks unless it’s valuable to what I am working on. I alerted my friends, family, and added the Self Control app to block Facebook and gmail. This simple adjustment in my daily schedule has skyrocketed my focus & productivity. I adjusted my chores, errands and doctors appointments as well. I noticed that when I used the early part of the morning and day to do these tasks that I wasn’t productive when I sat down to write, edit, plan or learn.

I believe that many of us are doing TOO much in our social media lives. We are not as productive as we attempt to showcase on these networks. Unless you are getting paid to run your social media accounts than you are on them too much. I love looking at what people are doing but I am more concerned with how am I spending my hours the Lord has entrusted to me. Are you doing too much? As a first step. Check your battery usage in settings. See what apps are using the most power. Remove the notifications from your phone’s alert system. I will leave you with this quote from Christian Lange “Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master.” Has technology mastered you? All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.

The Authentic Podcast: The Lust of Desire

Do you have a desire? Is it the right desire? Are you lusting and desiring something that isn’t yours? Check out this weeks podcast as we talk about the cost of desire.

Playlist:
The Walls Group feat. Brandy- God on my mind
Middle Clash- Gotham Fog
Natalie Lauren- Get Up
Campus House Worship-= Set a Fire/Fill Me Up

All instrumentals Stussy & Soulection

Is Your Social Media Social?

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Recently, I have been challenged by social media. When I look at my timeline its full of advertising -(hence why I unfollow when needed)-. Now I don’t mind advertisement however; there is very little actual social engagement going on. We have made social media a place to launch our ventures more than a place to connect with people for the people. We connect with people because we want something from them. We want there like, we want there retweet, we want them to know our names and brands. I have never been that type of person. I have met many people throughout my life but I never use those meeting times to present my product or personal brand -(many times to a fault)-. I believe in organic relationships. If I tweet you and you follow back that is awesome in my eyes.

Social media shouldn’t be used as a platform of gimme, gimme, gimme. Ben Arment holds seminars, online trainings and has written a book all under the brand _Dream Year_. While at a Dream Year weekend in 2011 he spoke about “The Ask”. The Ask is when you have built a genuine relationship people are prone to support your venture because they know you. If you are interested in working with someone try and build a relationship with them. Don’t just put yourself out there. People are more prone to comfortably listen when they have a relationship with you. Our current model of social media is WRONG. We have created this gimme look at me mentality instead of building authentic, loyal relationships.

Don’t be offended if people don’t friend, follow or respond back to you. Everyone isn’t going to be your best friend and the time is not always right to befriend someone. Social media should be social. It shouldn’t be a platform for you to build your brand. The first brand people see is you. So prior to reposting and spamming everyone that follows you on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter etc get to know them first. You will be surprised at the reaction you receive.

I’ve had the privilege of building dynamic social media relationships simply by asking people how they are doing from time to time. I don’t do it so they will remember me. I reach out because I genuinely care for them as people. Do you care about the person behind the profile or building your brand? Is your social media life authentic? I’d love to hear from you!

Keep PUSHING!

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When you’re in the midst of something great there is always the desire to STOP. It gets heavy, finances aren’t flowing, the statistics don’t add up, other’s speak against the vision and you yourself doubt the process. Starting anything isn’t easy. It is HARD. You feel like your back is up against the wall and the vision will never be made a reality. In the midst of it don’t stop! Keep PUSHING. Nothing worth having comes easy. Trials, tribulation and waiting builds PATIENCE! In the midst of the push you have to discover the joy! The joy to keep going. The joy to remember why you started. The joy to be overwhelmed with hope. The joy to believe you will produce. (James 1:2-4)

**Trials**
1.Test your faith
2. Produce endurance
3. Perfect & complete you

In the midst of developing your vision the trials ultimately reveal what you are really made of. They expose your weaknesses & strengthens. Often, the weaknesses get more exposure. When you discover those weaknesses don’t run from them forge ahead! PUSH! Keep running up the hill. If you stop you will always think of what could have been rather than what it has become.

In the midst of the trials fix your eyes on the Sustainer & Giver of the vision for He is your help in the time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

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